Heavenly Perspective on Earthly Ideas

So, while driving to work this morning I was listening to a sermon about living with eternity in mind. The pastor was speaking about how we as Americans have gotten away from this - because its so easy to be comfortable in our country in this day and age. Many of us take freedom for granted, chasing after the "American Dream" - to get the white picket fence, fancy cars, big house and lots of cash in the bank.  Many things he said struck me and I will definitely be studying and listening to his message again.  Anyways, I was thinking for some reason about traveling... how I'd love to see all of the great places He has created on this earth - the clear blue water, the beaches the mountains - everything. For no particular reason at all, but while thinking that - He clearly said to me: "Kristi, Heaven is a reflection of the earth but without all the sin and pain.  You have all of eternity to explore what I've created for you.  Your time now is short, follow My will for you and you will surely enjoy "traveling" for eternity." 

Of course, anytime you hear from God you take a moment to swallow what He has said. But I immediately got it - thanks to the sermon I was listening to - that yes - my time is SHORT.  Your time is short! Because yes of course, it would take time for me to earn the money to take a nice vacation or trip to Europe - backpacking - or whatever. But during those trips - I would be seeking things to fulfill my flesh. Not really impacting anyone by becoming a tourist. Sure, I can be a good person - maybe give money to a homeless person along the way -but really - a vacation comes down to us getting all the comforts of the world and having others meet our needs during that time. Right?  wow.  What a revelation.

And then there's the fact that this goes beyond traveling. This applies in different areas of our lives as well - that the fact is - our life here on earth is gonna go by in a blink of an eye. What we do now - impacts eternity - good or bad. Are we striving for the Kingdom? Or are we striving for riches and fame?  Are we going out and adopting the orphans with our  large annual incomes, or are we going out and buying new fancy overpriced cars? Or worse yet, are we "storing" that money - hoarding in "incase" of an emergency.  Thats a whole different topic about really trusting God that I am not going to get into right now.

But do you see my point? Does anybody else feel the sense of urgency? The urgency to make Christ known in all the Nations? That His return is near? That what we have on earth - really doesn't matter?

I do want to make it clear - that yes God loves us and as His kids - He wants to bless us. Christ paid that price for us. Am I really excited for my Kindle to arrive? You bet. Will my next car be brand new cause I've never owned a brand new car? You bet. and I am expecting God to foot the bill (meaning pay for it in cash) because he supplies all of our needs.  But before you go throwing stones - please realize that if someone put a gun to my head because they wanted my car or my kindle - I would gladly give it to them to spare my life.  Because those are just THINGS. But if someone wanted to take my life because I profess Jesus as my Lord - I would gladly give it to them. Well, maybe not gladly or easily - but I won't be losing anything if I do. [For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Matthew 6:21]

Life is so much more on the other side of this life, and what we are doing right here and now should be working towards reaching those who don't already know Christ.

I believe Heaven is when we rest.

Growth Spurt

So, I have been slacking on the blog arena... so here is a long overdue update:

As you might know from reading previous entries, I have been desiring more out of life for quite some time... and not in the sense of money - or a husband  - or kids or a house or cars - or things that most people put value on. But my heart has been growing and busting at the seems to DO HIS WILL for my life.  I have come to the point where I feel like I am gonna burst if I don't start doing something everyday that is for the Kingdom.  Working to simply pay bills is becoming old.  Understand - that I don't hate my job... but what I do is not glorifying God nor is it building the Kingdom -- and that is literally making my heart ache. 

I have asked God to give me a passion - and I think over this past year and a half he has been chipping away the rough edges around me and working on my heart...(there's so many more rough edges that need to come off, so I am bracing for some more changes) bringing me to this point of desiring Him so much.  I did not arrive at this point easily --- but I will say I truly could pick up and leave if He told me to pack my bags tomorrow. Or not even pack my bags - just go.   He has changed my heart so much - that I really don't care about "beauty and riches"... of course I like to look nice, read Instyle Magazine and hope to get a decent car in the near future - but those are just things.  I can't take them to Heaven and my trust and love and value is not placed on those things.   The enemy has tried to destroy me through my finances... and I am in the process of walking out my Victory over him --- but through that I've learned ALOT about what is truly important... and alot of how to Trust God by Tithing - its amazing what He will do and can do for you when you put Him first with that dirty green piece of paper we call money.

So anyways - I've been having a serious Spiritual growth spurt these days - and my heart aches for more... it aches to do great things. 

And so - I think after all of this - I am to write a book. I don't know what the title will be or the direction its supposed to go - but I am realizing that I am really good at putting my thoughts into words and expressing the Truth.   Recently (over the past several months) I've had random people email me on facebook (and here on my blog) - just to tell me that my status/blog updates are so encouraging to them and thanking me for sharing... that has spurred my passion.  To reach the people who already call themselves Christians and remind them that Christ didn't die just to save them from hell. He died to give them a life of Victory.  The Bible is full of His promises and I've experienced so many lately.  His love is amazing... chase after Him and everything else will be added unto you. [matt 6:33]

I do have a request though - because I am just as human as the next person. My life is not perfect and there are distractions and responsibilities that fill my time...  So I ask if you would partner with me in prayer?  My request is that IF you think of me (and when you do) that you'll just stop and say a quick prayer for me.  I am realizing I need to sit my butt down and write. Just start writing and let God do the rest. Pray that I will get focused and stay focused... and to write whether my flesh is "feeling" like it or not.  I don't want to waste this passion thats inside of me.  I don't want to waste this time He's given me... He's called each of us and I don't want to disappoint Him.

Thanks in advance for your prayers!

Let go and Let God

Recently I have been going through a period of needing to trust God. Like REALLY, fully leaning in on Him and trusting Him for everything.  Well, I am always in this "phase" I guess, but have really needed to lay my thoughts, my will, my logic, my planning, my worrying, my concerns, everything - down at His feet  and say "here - take it".  This is sooo very hard for my Type A personality. Although, in a way - its easier than trying to figure it all out. 

God says "go into missions" and I struggle with "planning" how I am going to make that happen. I say "but the finances aren't there", and come up with a plan to make the finances be there "faster". So I trust.

A friend struggles with an illness in her family - and I hear from God whats going on - but can't fully walk through the situation with her. That is sooo very hard. I pray, my heart fills with so much love it feels like it will explode, but at the same time feel so helpless.  So I trust. 

I think we are allowed these situations to be reminded that He really does have the World in His hands. That He really is in control. We are just a spec of dust. A dearly beloved spec of dust - but truly - our ways are not His ways. I am realizing that this process of trusting draws us closer to Him. To know Him more will allow ourselves to totally lean on Him for everything. 

My dear friend Julie has always said to me many a times when I needed to hear it:  Let Go and Let God.  At first, I thought this was a nice thing, "yep" I'd say "I need to stop trying to control the situation" but really wouldn't truly let go of it by still worrying or constantly thinking about it. But over time of her constantly reminding me of this - for which I'm thankful - I've gotten a deeper understanding.  Trusting.  Trusting Him doesn't mean I try to plan everything out so that it goes exactly how I want it to go.  (which is silly, because my way is usually never the best way).   Trusting Him doesn't mean I worry about a situation day and night and cause internal stress on my body. Trusting Him means letting go of it. Give it to Him to heal, to restore, to guide, to provide wisdom, to be the first One you turn to for everything - big or small - in your life.   Faith. Believing that He does have your best interest in mind, and will take care of your situation big or small.

I've needed to remind myself of this...He is more in control that I ever will be.  He is the Alpha and the Omega.  He knows how many hairs are on my head.  He knows how many stars are in the sky.  He knew me before I was born.  He has great plans for me.  The creator. The Almighty One. My Father. My King. My Savior.  His will is ALWAYS perfect. And has given me victory to come out on top every time.

So I will - let go and let God...

ENJOY YOUR VICTORY

So a very dear good friend of mine recently invited me to her church. This past Sunday in fact, and I was radically renewed. As you've read in previous posts, I've been craving to grow deeper in God and being called into ministry. I have been continuing to pray and seek God's guidance in the choices I have before me and direction I should go. I am seriously considering YWAM Fire and Fragrance DTS, which is where I feel a strong pull for. They are starting a school in Harrisburg with Life Center Ministries Church -- which in turn, made me want to visit. This spurred a conversation that led me to visit my friends church this past Sunday (Church of the Word International) and in turn get radically renewed. I will spare you all the details, but in short, it was so refreshing to just worship God - for as long as we felt the Spirit lead, and to watch others come before him- dancing - praising - and claiming His goodness unashamedly. And to just hear the Word - straight up. Truth - taught without an outline to fill in, or from a series that someone else already taught - but to be taught straight from the prompting of the Holy Spirit. So good. [side note disclaimer - I do love the church that I've been attending for the past 9 years, but I'm "growing" out of it. Growing deeper, more Spiritually mature].

I have since then downloaded a series recommended to me from my friend from 2007 - called "Armor of God" (based on Eph 6). Today I listened to part 2 already and it was so eye opening for me. He made a statement that struck me, he said -- You don't have to wrestle against a defeated foe... if the devil can keep you wrestling with him, he'll keep you from enjoying your VICTORY! He also talked about shouting - in your house - in the shower - in your car - praises to God. Yes, we are not in a war against flesh & blood, but we are also not in a war with the enemy. We've already won. Like the pastor said - we don't fight with someone who's already defeated -- so why would we keep allowing the enemy to take our attention with things that are unimportant? I have several months ago myself, shouted - out loud for him to flee me, or I was going to kick him in the head - I was tired of him trying to torment my emotions. I then shouted scripture and Truth. Guess what? He moved on. Resist him - and he WILL FLEE from you. It was just so awesome to realize, that the enemy is just trying to occupy you by getting at your goods/health/whatever, because if he keeps you busy trying to "fight" him, you can't really move forward in the kingdom of God. But the Truth is, he's already defeated. And you've already won. This is a promise we can stand on!!!

Walk It Out

I think when you ask God for certain things, such as patience, or "help me control my temper", I believe instead coming down and touching you on the head and saying "now you are a patient person"; He gives you the opportunity to practice patience. I recently decided to really study the fruits of the Spirit (in Galatians 5) and asked God which one I need to work on first. I think everything is a process and trying to fix them all - or make them better -- at the same time would be a waste of time. But He gently tugged me and said I should work on "Anger". Now that might surprise some of you who know me, and have never seen me get angry... but let me tell you there is a side of me that is not pretty. I've been known to get fired up at situations or people very easily in the past, and not always vocalizing my opinions but stirring inside and dwelling on how that person made me feel and what I'd really like to say to them to "give them a piece of my mind". Oh man, I am guilty of that. I also have been known to react instantly in a situation where one would feel "attacked". My heart would pound furiously and I would say the first thing that came to mind - igniting an argument to defend myself.

Well, I asked God to of course help me with this, "prune me" please I said. And He brought to my attention that He is slow to anger. (The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy and loving-kindness. Ps. 103:8) *whew* "okay, I need to work on that" I say to myself, although, remember I did ask Him to help me. So of course, this week so far, I've been given multiple situations at home and at work to exercise my "slow to anger". It is not easy let me tell you. And the first couple times after I had "reacted" my Spirit stirred and said, try again. The next couple situations that came along of course, I did not react. I thought through the entire situation... it wasn't an attack on my character or who I am, but just in general... and after being "slow to anger", I didn't end up getting angry at all. But yet resolved the issue at hand with ease and with the other person telling me what a wonderful leader I am. Imagine that!

God's working in our lives every single second. He knows how many hairs are on our head (Matt 10:30) and all the little details of our lives, no matter how simple we think it may be. Know that no matter what you may be dealing with, He will help you. He hears you and desires you to reflect more of Him then more of the enemy, so He will step in and prune you.

Ask Him for whatever you need help with. But don't expect that to come without an opportunity for you to walk it out.

He Loves You

So I asked God to give me something to share in regards to Valentines Day. Something about love, His love. And all that kept coming to mind was a time when I was DESPERATELY lonely - oddly enough. But then when I thought about putting my story into words I realized how much it reflects HIS love, not what we seek here on earth. Now I will preface this by saying - yes, another Valentines day has passed and I am still single, but I have come a long way in my walk with Jesus and am fully content resting in His love and knowing He has a great plan and purpose for my life. And if it involves a husband for me, He will bring that wonderful man into my life when the time is right.

So with that being said, my loneliness story takes place about 5ish or 6 years ago. And there was alot of issue's going on with my family. With my youngest sister in particular. She was young, feeling lost, lonely, hurt and was trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists. [let me also say that I am the only one in my family that chooses a life of walking with Jesus] We went through many episodes of arguing, hugs, laughs, stress, hiding sharp objects from her, taking the locks off her door, etc. Mainly alot of emotional stress. And in times like that I tend to "escape" reality as much as possible... I actually enjoyed going to work, or being able to get out of the house as much as possible. And also slept alot... I was emotionally drained. But work was stressful too. We were short staffed, and I was a CSR at the time, taking over 100 calls a day. That's alot of people to talk to in one day. It was crazy being relied on my by family to "hold us together" emotionally. I finally hit my breaking point. Something had to give and I couldn't take it any longer.

One day, while leaving work, I barely made it out of the building to go home before I busted into tears. I went home, went to my room and just cried and prayed and cried. I was a mess. Eventually when I calmed myself down enough, I laid on my back staring at the ceiling and cried out one last desperate prayer. I said, "Jesus, I know that you will never leave me or forsake me. And I know that you are here with me right now. But I need to know that somebody on this earth loves me." After that I remember being so tired that I fluttered in and out of consciousness... I think about 5 minutes went by and then my cell phone rang. It ended up being a really great friend calling to see if I was ok. I of course burst into tears again because I could "feel" her love through the phone. I remember her asking me what was wrong and I said she wouldn't understand. She then encouraged me to share and then prayed with me, for me and then several times told me she loved me. I of course burst into tears again and said "Thank you Jesus" for having her call me.

So in light of this past Valentines Day, I think He wants me to remind you that He loves you. He cares about every little detail of your life and if you asked Him into your heart to save you and be your Savior, he is with you right now. Whatever you need, ask and it shall be given to you. One of my all time favorite verses, that I lean on every now and then is Hebrews 13:5 - the Amplified version: "For He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] I added the bold and italicized... I especially like the "relax My hold on you". He has me in His arms at all times. He has youin His arms at all times.

He loves you!

On Earth As It Is In Heaven

So, as I mentioned before that I have been feeling God's calling into ministry, I have also been having "Ecclesiastes" moments... For instance, while doing some cleaning and decluttering recently I asked myself - if I can't take this to Heaven, do I really need to keep it? Now, I had that mindset before I was saved and when I read that in Ecclesiastes that everything is meaningless after I got saved - I went "Hallelujah!" Really, things that we get so caught up in on earth really do not matter. TV shows, concerts, movies, parties, shopping, spending time with friends, books, yes even books - and I am avid reader. Those are all by-products of living in a free country. Nothing really matters more than following Jesus Christ. Seriously seeking Him and doing what He wants us to do. Our real purpose for being put on this earth.

After getting saved it became quite easily for me to start spending less time with my family - who didn't believe ~ or said they did but made choices opposite of what they said. And it wasn't that I loved them less, I just knew in my Spirit that spending time with them wasn't the direction to go or way to spend my time. I asked for God to surround me with friends who believed and who can encourage me, and He did for sure. He put a circle of very close Jesus lovin' friends in my path, who to this day still walk with me through the hard times and good times. But my heart still seeks to go deeper. A deeper love.

And then the call started... take up your cross and follow me. What does that exactly look like? Quit my job and work for the church? Volunteer sunday mornings in kid-ministry? Build a huge successful business and drive a shiny car and get a couple people saved through my "example"? While I believe God wants to prosper us -- for sure -- I don't think that is what He meant when He said - Take up your cross and follow me. I believe we are to lay everything down - give up everything we own - say goodbye to the ones we love and truly follow him. Could I do it? I caught myself saying to a friend a couple months ago, while complaining about the cold weather, how I would love to move to Florida. And I said "really, whats stopping me? I have nothing here to keep me here". I pondered my words quite often since I've said that, because really, my entire family is here in PA. All of them in Lancaster County even - within a 15 minute radius of each other. All I've ever known really was growing up here, but still -- its not "holding me back". So I think, sure, I could go anywhere, but really I need to count the cost. Following Him isn't just going to church, being a good person, tithing and praying for each other. Its being willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him. Just like He did for us. Nothing I have right now is coming to Heaven with me, so I will not hold onto it. It has no eternal value... Still praying for clear direction on where God wants me and still excited, scared and nervous at the same time.
I came across a blog today in my facebook newsfeed that explains exactly what my heart has been saying to me. She's living it out... pretty powerful stuff - I encourage you to read it. Check it out here --> Kisses From Katie

You Will Be Known

So, I believe God is leading me into ministry -- not sure where or when with who or how, but I feel His call stronger almost every day. I am excited to see what doors open as the ones that I think He's leading me to keep shutting. I've recently have had a burden to really reach people, minister, disciple on a much deeper level than I have been in the arena I am currently in. I know that I will have to walk away from that to fully do what God has called me to do, but letting go of those friendships and the ones who have loved me and helped me grow into who I am today is hard. Walking away from what is comfortable is a little scary. At the same time, my heart has been saying "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called". So even though I feel inadequate -- I know that He will supply all my needs. I have much much MUCH growing to do, but looking forward to seeing how my life is about to change, who I am gonna meet and where I will go. The past couple days He's been telling me "You will be known". I am not sure what to totally make of that. On one hand, I am totally excited, on the other, I've never been one for being the center of attention - so its totally scary. But I want to be known for HIM. To reach people for HIM. My heart has been heavy that there really isn't anything worth pursuing in life but HIM, and when we do, EVERYTHING else will be added to us. Really - Matthew 6:33. No need to toil and try to gain success through mans way of doing things. He has just been so clear, if I keep pursuing Him, He will give me exactly what I need and more. Just like He said to Abraham - I will make you a man of many nations... Abraham wasn't trying to be successful, He was SEEKING HIM.