I think when you ask God for certain things, such as patience, or "help me control my temper", I believe instead coming down and touching you on the head and saying "now you are a patient person"; He gives you the opportunity to practice patience. I recently decided to really study the fruits of the Spirit (in Galatians 5) and asked God which one I need to work on first. I think everything is a process and trying to fix them all - or make them better -- at the same time would be a waste of time. But He gently tugged me and said I should work on "Anger". Now that might surprise some of you who know me, and have never seen me get angry... but let me tell you there is a side of me that is not pretty. I've been known to get fired up at situations or people very easily in the past, and not always vocalizing my opinions but stirring inside and dwelling on how that person made me feel and what I'd really like to say to them to "give them a piece of my mind". Oh man, I am guilty of that. I also have been known to react instantly in a situation where one would feel "attacked". My heart would pound furiously and I would say the first thing that came to mind - igniting an argument to defend myself.
Well, I asked God to of course help me with this, "prune me" please I said. And He brought to my attention that He is slow to anger. (The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy and loving-kindness. Ps. 103:8) *whew* "okay, I need to work on that" I say to myself, although, remember I did ask Him to help me. So of course, this week so far, I've been given multiple situations at home and at work to exercise my "slow to anger". It is not easy let me tell you. And the first couple times after I had "reacted" my Spirit stirred and said, try again. The next couple situations that came along of course, I did not react. I thought through the entire situation... it wasn't an attack on my character or who I am, but just in general... and after being "slow to anger", I didn't end up getting angry at all. But yet resolved the issue at hand with ease and with the other person telling me what a wonderful leader I am. Imagine that!
God's working in our lives every single second. He knows how many hairs are on our head (Matt 10:30) and all the little details of our lives, no matter how simple we think it may be. Know that no matter what you may be dealing with, He will help you. He hears you and desires you to reflect more of Him then more of the enemy, so He will step in and prune you.
Ask Him for whatever you need help with. But don't expect that to come without an opportunity for you to walk it out.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Monday, February 15, 2010
He Loves You
So I asked God to give me something to share in regards to Valentines Day. Something about love, His love. And all that kept coming to mind was a time when I was DESPERATELY lonely - oddly enough. But then when I thought about putting my story into words I realized how much it reflects HIS love, not what we seek here on earth. Now I will preface this by saying - yes, another Valentines day has passed and I am still single, but I have come a long way in my walk with Jesus and am fully content resting in His love and knowing He has a great plan and purpose for my life. And if it involves a husband for me, He will bring that wonderful man into my life when the time is right.
So with that being said, my loneliness story takes place about 5ish or 6 years ago. And there was alot of issue's going on with my family. With my youngest sister in particular. She was young, feeling lost, lonely, hurt and was trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists. [let me also say that I am the only one in my family that chooses a life of walking with Jesus] We went through many episodes of arguing, hugs, laughs, stress, hiding sharp objects from her, taking the locks off her door, etc. Mainly alot of emotional stress. And in times like that I tend to "escape" reality as much as possible... I actually enjoyed going to work, or being able to get out of the house as much as possible. And also slept alot... I was emotionally drained. But work was stressful too. We were short staffed, and I was a CSR at the time, taking over 100 calls a day. That's alot of people to talk to in one day. It was crazy being relied on my by family to "hold us together" emotionally. I finally hit my breaking point. Something had to give and I couldn't take it any longer.
One day, while leaving work, I barely made it out of the building to go home before I busted into tears. I went home, went to my room and just cried and prayed and cried. I was a mess. Eventually when I calmed myself down enough, I laid on my back staring at the ceiling and cried out one last desperate prayer. I said, "Jesus, I know that you will never leave me or forsake me. And I know that you are here with me right now. But I need to know that somebody on this earth loves me." After that I remember being so tired that I fluttered in and out of consciousness... I think about 5 minutes went by and then my cell phone rang. It ended up being a really great friend calling to see if I was ok. I of course burst into tears again because I could "feel" her love through the phone. I remember her asking me what was wrong and I said she wouldn't understand. She then encouraged me to share and then prayed with me, for me and then several times told me she loved me. I of course burst into tears again and said "Thank you Jesus" for having her call me.
So in light of this past Valentines Day, I think He wants me to remind you that He loves you. He cares about every little detail of your life and if you asked Him into your heart to save you and be your Savior, he is with you right now. Whatever you need, ask and it shall be given to you. One of my all time favorite verses, that I lean on every now and then is Hebrews 13:5 - the Amplified version: "For He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] I added the bold and italicized... I especially like the "relax My hold on you". He has me in His arms at all times. He has youin His arms at all times.
He loves you!
So with that being said, my loneliness story takes place about 5ish or 6 years ago. And there was alot of issue's going on with my family. With my youngest sister in particular. She was young, feeling lost, lonely, hurt and was trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists. [let me also say that I am the only one in my family that chooses a life of walking with Jesus] We went through many episodes of arguing, hugs, laughs, stress, hiding sharp objects from her, taking the locks off her door, etc. Mainly alot of emotional stress. And in times like that I tend to "escape" reality as much as possible... I actually enjoyed going to work, or being able to get out of the house as much as possible. And also slept alot... I was emotionally drained. But work was stressful too. We were short staffed, and I was a CSR at the time, taking over 100 calls a day. That's alot of people to talk to in one day. It was crazy being relied on my by family to "hold us together" emotionally. I finally hit my breaking point. Something had to give and I couldn't take it any longer.
One day, while leaving work, I barely made it out of the building to go home before I busted into tears. I went home, went to my room and just cried and prayed and cried. I was a mess. Eventually when I calmed myself down enough, I laid on my back staring at the ceiling and cried out one last desperate prayer. I said, "Jesus, I know that you will never leave me or forsake me. And I know that you are here with me right now. But I need to know that somebody on this earth loves me." After that I remember being so tired that I fluttered in and out of consciousness... I think about 5 minutes went by and then my cell phone rang. It ended up being a really great friend calling to see if I was ok. I of course burst into tears again because I could "feel" her love through the phone. I remember her asking me what was wrong and I said she wouldn't understand. She then encouraged me to share and then prayed with me, for me and then several times told me she loved me. I of course burst into tears again and said "Thank you Jesus" for having her call me.
So in light of this past Valentines Day, I think He wants me to remind you that He loves you. He cares about every little detail of your life and if you asked Him into your heart to save you and be your Savior, he is with you right now. Whatever you need, ask and it shall be given to you. One of my all time favorite verses, that I lean on every now and then is Hebrews 13:5 - the Amplified version: "For He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] I added the bold and italicized... I especially like the "relax My hold on you". He has me in His arms at all times. He has youin His arms at all times.
He loves you!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
On Earth As It Is In Heaven
So, as I mentioned before that I have been feeling God's calling into ministry, I have also been having "Ecclesiastes" moments... For instance, while doing some cleaning and decluttering recently I asked myself - if I can't take this to Heaven, do I really need to keep it? Now, I had that mindset before I was saved and when I read that in Ecclesiastes that everything is meaningless after I got saved - I went "Hallelujah!" Really, things that we get so caught up in on earth really do not matter. TV shows, concerts, movies, parties, shopping, spending time with friends, books, yes even books - and I am avid reader. Those are all by-products of living in a free country. Nothing really matters more than following Jesus Christ. Seriously seeking Him and doing what He wants us to do. Our real purpose for being put on this earth.
After getting saved it became quite easily for me to start spending less time with my family - who didn't believe ~ or said they did but made choices opposite of what they said. And it wasn't that I loved them less, I just knew in my Spirit that spending time with them wasn't the direction to go or way to spend my time. I asked for God to surround me with friends who believed and who can encourage me, and He did for sure. He put a circle of very close Jesus lovin' friends in my path, who to this day still walk with me through the hard times and good times. But my heart still seeks to go deeper. A deeper love.
And then the call started... take up your cross and follow me. What does that exactly look like? Quit my job and work for the church? Volunteer sunday mornings in kid-ministry? Build a huge successful business and drive a shiny car and get a couple people saved through my "example"? While I believe God wants to prosper us -- for sure -- I don't think that is what He meant when He said - Take up your cross and follow me. I believe we are to lay everything down - give up everything we own - say goodbye to the ones we love and truly follow him. Could I do it? I caught myself saying to a friend a couple months ago, while complaining about the cold weather, how I would love to move to Florida. And I said "really, whats stopping me? I have nothing here to keep me here". I pondered my words quite often since I've said that, because really, my entire family is here in PA. All of them in Lancaster County even - within a 15 minute radius of each other. All I've ever known really was growing up here, but still -- its not "holding me back". So I think, sure, I could go anywhere, but really I need to count the cost. Following Him isn't just going to church, being a good person, tithing and praying for each other. Its being willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him. Just like He did for us. Nothing I have right now is coming to Heaven with me, so I will not hold onto it. It has no eternal value... Still praying for clear direction on where God wants me and still excited, scared and nervous at the same time.
I came across a blog today in my facebook newsfeed that explains exactly what my heart has been saying to me. She's living it out... pretty powerful stuff - I encourage you to read it. Check it out here --> Kisses From Katie
After getting saved it became quite easily for me to start spending less time with my family - who didn't believe ~ or said they did but made choices opposite of what they said. And it wasn't that I loved them less, I just knew in my Spirit that spending time with them wasn't the direction to go or way to spend my time. I asked for God to surround me with friends who believed and who can encourage me, and He did for sure. He put a circle of very close Jesus lovin' friends in my path, who to this day still walk with me through the hard times and good times. But my heart still seeks to go deeper. A deeper love.
And then the call started... take up your cross and follow me. What does that exactly look like? Quit my job and work for the church? Volunteer sunday mornings in kid-ministry? Build a huge successful business and drive a shiny car and get a couple people saved through my "example"? While I believe God wants to prosper us -- for sure -- I don't think that is what He meant when He said - Take up your cross and follow me. I believe we are to lay everything down - give up everything we own - say goodbye to the ones we love and truly follow him. Could I do it? I caught myself saying to a friend a couple months ago, while complaining about the cold weather, how I would love to move to Florida. And I said "really, whats stopping me? I have nothing here to keep me here". I pondered my words quite often since I've said that, because really, my entire family is here in PA. All of them in Lancaster County even - within a 15 minute radius of each other. All I've ever known really was growing up here, but still -- its not "holding me back". So I think, sure, I could go anywhere, but really I need to count the cost. Following Him isn't just going to church, being a good person, tithing and praying for each other. Its being willing to give up EVERYTHING for Him. Just like He did for us. Nothing I have right now is coming to Heaven with me, so I will not hold onto it. It has no eternal value... Still praying for clear direction on where God wants me and still excited, scared and nervous at the same time.
I came across a blog today in my facebook newsfeed that explains exactly what my heart has been saying to me. She's living it out... pretty powerful stuff - I encourage you to read it. Check it out here --> Kisses From Katie
Saturday, February 6, 2010
You Will Be Known
So, I believe God is leading me into ministry -- not sure where or when with who or how, but I feel His call stronger almost every day. I am excited to see what doors open as the ones that I think He's leading me to keep shutting. I've recently have had a burden to really reach people, minister, disciple on a much deeper level than I have been in the arena I am currently in. I know that I will have to walk away from that to fully do what God has called me to do, but letting go of those friendships and the ones who have loved me and helped me grow into who I am today is hard. Walking away from what is comfortable is a little scary. At the same time, my heart has been saying "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called". So even though I feel inadequate -- I know that He will supply all my needs. I have much much MUCH growing to do, but looking forward to seeing how my life is about to change, who I am gonna meet and where I will go. The past couple days He's been telling me "You will be known". I am not sure what to totally make of that. On one hand, I am totally excited, on the other, I've never been one for being the center of attention - so its totally scary. But I want to be known for HIM. To reach people for HIM. My heart has been heavy that there really isn't anything worth pursuing in life but HIM, and when we do, EVERYTHING else will be added to us. Really - Matthew 6:33. No need to toil and try to gain success through mans way of doing things. He has just been so clear, if I keep pursuing Him, He will give me exactly what I need and more. Just like He said to Abraham - I will make you a man of many nations... Abraham wasn't trying to be successful, He was SEEKING HIM.
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