3rd Decade of my life starts right. now.

So, today I hit a new decade. And I have to be honest - at first - I was not excited about no longer being in my twenties. Not at all. In fact, I decided I wasn't going to think about it anymore until it got closer to the time. Someone even tried to cheer me up by letting me know that 30 is the new 20. :)  And then eventually - something shifted. I venture to say that it was my time spent with the Lord, and the more I pressed into Him - the more blessings around me started to be revealed. And eventually I realized that even though my twenties were rough at times. . . and even my teens (which is a long story for a different time) - that my life was finally starting to "come together". In the sense that I was walking on solid ground. I will spare you the details - but basically - I have build my house on solid rock.  My foundation is firm and when I look to Jesus I realize my 30's are going to be some of my best years yet!  Not necessarily easy or a cake walk - I may be in a position of strength in many area's of my life now - but that doesn't mean hardship won't come my way. But man - more than ever am I in Love with Jesus - and so looking forward to what He has in store for me this next decade. Many people thought the world was going to end May 21st because of a guy who was obsessed with numerology... I lean towards false prophet - but I do feel bad for him, because he is so sucked into the lies that he really believes he has it figured out.  The enemy has him so distracted with figuring it out - He is no longer (or never was really) in a pursuit of God's heart.  But anyhow - my point in saying that is - while people were frantic about judgement day coming - I continually had a peace. A peace that definitely passed all understanding and so I was careful of how I approached that subject with believer's and unbelievers. and oddly enough - it was always easier to talk to the unbelievers about the future of our world. but my point is - my birthday was approaching - and I knew in my heart of hearts - that God still has great plans for me. Plans to bring healing to many many people that I come in contact with everyday. I knew in my heart of hearts that 30 and beyond are going to be some of my most glorifying to God years.  And so - I'm jacked.

In the past couple of weeks God has already brought 4 new friendships into my life - that I am looking forward to nurturing and getting to know. Some single. Some married... it doesn't matter. They all need the love of Christ. I have been blessed by all of them - and I am sure there is going to be many memories made in the future with them. Celebrating marriages, kids, jobs, life... etc.

But today - I spend the day with an old friend. We were friends in high school - but actually became closer during college - even though we didn't go to the same school. (she went to messiah - I went to pbu) And ever since we've been best friends. Our lives took different directions - but we still remained close and in touch. And for her 30th birthday - we went to NYC (which was in december - right before new years eve - yeah it was crowded and cold!) So for my birthday we were going to go up again - when it was warm.  I even invited a bunch of other friends - however, it didn't work for anyone to go. I admit - I was really disappointed at first. But honestly - it became a blessing to just stay home and hang out.  I had been going so hard day after day for two weeks prior that it was great just being able to catch up on  some sleep and just rest. I also in a turn of events, last minute found out I would get to have my niece. What a privilege. I love her as if she were my own and to spend my special day with her as well was such a blessing. My friend Kristin (along with her daughter) took me out for lunch - we had hibachi (my first time), went to the grocery store to get stuff to make sangria's, played outside in the baby pool (the girls, not us), had dinner, watched a movie and painted our nails. We had a fabulous day!  Some would say thats not very exciting way to spend it -- but I think relationships and spending time with the ones you love is one of the most precious gifts. Time is something you can never get more of. You can always have more clothes, make more money, see more movies - but you will never get back your time. You will never get back the last however many minutes it took you to read this. Its precious. So to me - I had a fabulous day.  Here are a few pics of us ringing in a new decade in my life.  Enjoy!

Heavenly Perspective on Earthly Ideas

So, while driving to work this morning I was listening to a sermon about living with eternity in mind. The pastor was speaking about how we as Americans have gotten away from this - because its so easy to be comfortable in our country in this day and age. Many of us take freedom for granted, chasing after the "American Dream" - to get the white picket fence, fancy cars, big house and lots of cash in the bank.  Many things he said struck me and I will definitely be studying and listening to his message again.  Anyways, I was thinking for some reason about traveling... how I'd love to see all of the great places He has created on this earth - the clear blue water, the beaches the mountains - everything. For no particular reason at all, but while thinking that - He clearly said to me: "Kristi, Heaven is a reflection of the earth but without all the sin and pain.  You have all of eternity to explore what I've created for you.  Your time now is short, follow My will for you and you will surely enjoy "traveling" for eternity." 

Of course, anytime you hear from God you take a moment to swallow what He has said. But I immediately got it - thanks to the sermon I was listening to - that yes - my time is SHORT.  Your time is short! Because yes of course, it would take time for me to earn the money to take a nice vacation or trip to Europe - backpacking - or whatever. But during those trips - I would be seeking things to fulfill my flesh. Not really impacting anyone by becoming a tourist. Sure, I can be a good person - maybe give money to a homeless person along the way -but really - a vacation comes down to us getting all the comforts of the world and having others meet our needs during that time. Right?  wow.  What a revelation.

And then there's the fact that this goes beyond traveling. This applies in different areas of our lives as well - that the fact is - our life here on earth is gonna go by in a blink of an eye. What we do now - impacts eternity - good or bad. Are we striving for the Kingdom? Or are we striving for riches and fame?  Are we going out and adopting the orphans with our  large annual incomes, or are we going out and buying new fancy overpriced cars? Or worse yet, are we "storing" that money - hoarding in "incase" of an emergency.  Thats a whole different topic about really trusting God that I am not going to get into right now.

But do you see my point? Does anybody else feel the sense of urgency? The urgency to make Christ known in all the Nations? That His return is near? That what we have on earth - really doesn't matter?

I do want to make it clear - that yes God loves us and as His kids - He wants to bless us. Christ paid that price for us. Am I really excited for my Kindle to arrive? You bet. Will my next car be brand new cause I've never owned a brand new car? You bet. and I am expecting God to foot the bill (meaning pay for it in cash) because he supplies all of our needs.  But before you go throwing stones - please realize that if someone put a gun to my head because they wanted my car or my kindle - I would gladly give it to them to spare my life.  Because those are just THINGS. But if someone wanted to take my life because I profess Jesus as my Lord - I would gladly give it to them. Well, maybe not gladly or easily - but I won't be losing anything if I do. [For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also. Matthew 6:21]

Life is so much more on the other side of this life, and what we are doing right here and now should be working towards reaching those who don't already know Christ.

I believe Heaven is when we rest.

Growth Spurt

So, I have been slacking on the blog arena... so here is a long overdue update:

As you might know from reading previous entries, I have been desiring more out of life for quite some time... and not in the sense of money - or a husband  - or kids or a house or cars - or things that most people put value on. But my heart has been growing and busting at the seems to DO HIS WILL for my life.  I have come to the point where I feel like I am gonna burst if I don't start doing something everyday that is for the Kingdom.  Working to simply pay bills is becoming old.  Understand - that I don't hate my job... but what I do is not glorifying God nor is it building the Kingdom -- and that is literally making my heart ache. 

I have asked God to give me a passion - and I think over this past year and a half he has been chipping away the rough edges around me and working on my heart...(there's so many more rough edges that need to come off, so I am bracing for some more changes) bringing me to this point of desiring Him so much.  I did not arrive at this point easily --- but I will say I truly could pick up and leave if He told me to pack my bags tomorrow. Or not even pack my bags - just go.   He has changed my heart so much - that I really don't care about "beauty and riches"... of course I like to look nice, read Instyle Magazine and hope to get a decent car in the near future - but those are just things.  I can't take them to Heaven and my trust and love and value is not placed on those things.   The enemy has tried to destroy me through my finances... and I am in the process of walking out my Victory over him --- but through that I've learned ALOT about what is truly important... and alot of how to Trust God by Tithing - its amazing what He will do and can do for you when you put Him first with that dirty green piece of paper we call money.

So anyways - I've been having a serious Spiritual growth spurt these days - and my heart aches for more... it aches to do great things. 

And so - I think after all of this - I am to write a book. I don't know what the title will be or the direction its supposed to go - but I am realizing that I am really good at putting my thoughts into words and expressing the Truth.   Recently (over the past several months) I've had random people email me on facebook (and here on my blog) - just to tell me that my status/blog updates are so encouraging to them and thanking me for sharing... that has spurred my passion.  To reach the people who already call themselves Christians and remind them that Christ didn't die just to save them from hell. He died to give them a life of Victory.  The Bible is full of His promises and I've experienced so many lately.  His love is amazing... chase after Him and everything else will be added unto you. [matt 6:33]

I do have a request though - because I am just as human as the next person. My life is not perfect and there are distractions and responsibilities that fill my time...  So I ask if you would partner with me in prayer?  My request is that IF you think of me (and when you do) that you'll just stop and say a quick prayer for me.  I am realizing I need to sit my butt down and write. Just start writing and let God do the rest. Pray that I will get focused and stay focused... and to write whether my flesh is "feeling" like it or not.  I don't want to waste this passion thats inside of me.  I don't want to waste this time He's given me... He's called each of us and I don't want to disappoint Him.

Thanks in advance for your prayers!

Let go and Let God

Recently I have been going through a period of needing to trust God. Like REALLY, fully leaning in on Him and trusting Him for everything.  Well, I am always in this "phase" I guess, but have really needed to lay my thoughts, my will, my logic, my planning, my worrying, my concerns, everything - down at His feet  and say "here - take it".  This is sooo very hard for my Type A personality. Although, in a way - its easier than trying to figure it all out. 

God says "go into missions" and I struggle with "planning" how I am going to make that happen. I say "but the finances aren't there", and come up with a plan to make the finances be there "faster". So I trust.

A friend struggles with an illness in her family - and I hear from God whats going on - but can't fully walk through the situation with her. That is sooo very hard. I pray, my heart fills with so much love it feels like it will explode, but at the same time feel so helpless.  So I trust. 

I think we are allowed these situations to be reminded that He really does have the World in His hands. That He really is in control. We are just a spec of dust. A dearly beloved spec of dust - but truly - our ways are not His ways. I am realizing that this process of trusting draws us closer to Him. To know Him more will allow ourselves to totally lean on Him for everything. 

My dear friend Julie has always said to me many a times when I needed to hear it:  Let Go and Let God.  At first, I thought this was a nice thing, "yep" I'd say "I need to stop trying to control the situation" but really wouldn't truly let go of it by still worrying or constantly thinking about it. But over time of her constantly reminding me of this - for which I'm thankful - I've gotten a deeper understanding.  Trusting.  Trusting Him doesn't mean I try to plan everything out so that it goes exactly how I want it to go.  (which is silly, because my way is usually never the best way).   Trusting Him doesn't mean I worry about a situation day and night and cause internal stress on my body. Trusting Him means letting go of it. Give it to Him to heal, to restore, to guide, to provide wisdom, to be the first One you turn to for everything - big or small - in your life.   Faith. Believing that He does have your best interest in mind, and will take care of your situation big or small.

I've needed to remind myself of this...He is more in control that I ever will be.  He is the Alpha and the Omega.  He knows how many hairs are on my head.  He knows how many stars are in the sky.  He knew me before I was born.  He has great plans for me.  The creator. The Almighty One. My Father. My King. My Savior.  His will is ALWAYS perfect. And has given me victory to come out on top every time.

So I will - let go and let God...

ENJOY YOUR VICTORY

So a very dear good friend of mine recently invited me to her church. This past Sunday in fact, and I was radically renewed. As you've read in previous posts, I've been craving to grow deeper in God and being called into ministry. I have been continuing to pray and seek God's guidance in the choices I have before me and direction I should go. I am seriously considering YWAM Fire and Fragrance DTS, which is where I feel a strong pull for. They are starting a school in Harrisburg with Life Center Ministries Church -- which in turn, made me want to visit. This spurred a conversation that led me to visit my friends church this past Sunday (Church of the Word International) and in turn get radically renewed. I will spare you all the details, but in short, it was so refreshing to just worship God - for as long as we felt the Spirit lead, and to watch others come before him- dancing - praising - and claiming His goodness unashamedly. And to just hear the Word - straight up. Truth - taught without an outline to fill in, or from a series that someone else already taught - but to be taught straight from the prompting of the Holy Spirit. So good. [side note disclaimer - I do love the church that I've been attending for the past 9 years, but I'm "growing" out of it. Growing deeper, more Spiritually mature].

I have since then downloaded a series recommended to me from my friend from 2007 - called "Armor of God" (based on Eph 6). Today I listened to part 2 already and it was so eye opening for me. He made a statement that struck me, he said -- You don't have to wrestle against a defeated foe... if the devil can keep you wrestling with him, he'll keep you from enjoying your VICTORY! He also talked about shouting - in your house - in the shower - in your car - praises to God. Yes, we are not in a war against flesh & blood, but we are also not in a war with the enemy. We've already won. Like the pastor said - we don't fight with someone who's already defeated -- so why would we keep allowing the enemy to take our attention with things that are unimportant? I have several months ago myself, shouted - out loud for him to flee me, or I was going to kick him in the head - I was tired of him trying to torment my emotions. I then shouted scripture and Truth. Guess what? He moved on. Resist him - and he WILL FLEE from you. It was just so awesome to realize, that the enemy is just trying to occupy you by getting at your goods/health/whatever, because if he keeps you busy trying to "fight" him, you can't really move forward in the kingdom of God. But the Truth is, he's already defeated. And you've already won. This is a promise we can stand on!!!

Walk It Out

I think when you ask God for certain things, such as patience, or "help me control my temper", I believe instead coming down and touching you on the head and saying "now you are a patient person"; He gives you the opportunity to practice patience. I recently decided to really study the fruits of the Spirit (in Galatians 5) and asked God which one I need to work on first. I think everything is a process and trying to fix them all - or make them better -- at the same time would be a waste of time. But He gently tugged me and said I should work on "Anger". Now that might surprise some of you who know me, and have never seen me get angry... but let me tell you there is a side of me that is not pretty. I've been known to get fired up at situations or people very easily in the past, and not always vocalizing my opinions but stirring inside and dwelling on how that person made me feel and what I'd really like to say to them to "give them a piece of my mind". Oh man, I am guilty of that. I also have been known to react instantly in a situation where one would feel "attacked". My heart would pound furiously and I would say the first thing that came to mind - igniting an argument to defend myself.

Well, I asked God to of course help me with this, "prune me" please I said. And He brought to my attention that He is slow to anger. (The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and plenteous in mercy and loving-kindness. Ps. 103:8) *whew* "okay, I need to work on that" I say to myself, although, remember I did ask Him to help me. So of course, this week so far, I've been given multiple situations at home and at work to exercise my "slow to anger". It is not easy let me tell you. And the first couple times after I had "reacted" my Spirit stirred and said, try again. The next couple situations that came along of course, I did not react. I thought through the entire situation... it wasn't an attack on my character or who I am, but just in general... and after being "slow to anger", I didn't end up getting angry at all. But yet resolved the issue at hand with ease and with the other person telling me what a wonderful leader I am. Imagine that!

God's working in our lives every single second. He knows how many hairs are on our head (Matt 10:30) and all the little details of our lives, no matter how simple we think it may be. Know that no matter what you may be dealing with, He will help you. He hears you and desires you to reflect more of Him then more of the enemy, so He will step in and prune you.

Ask Him for whatever you need help with. But don't expect that to come without an opportunity for you to walk it out.

He Loves You

So I asked God to give me something to share in regards to Valentines Day. Something about love, His love. And all that kept coming to mind was a time when I was DESPERATELY lonely - oddly enough. But then when I thought about putting my story into words I realized how much it reflects HIS love, not what we seek here on earth. Now I will preface this by saying - yes, another Valentines day has passed and I am still single, but I have come a long way in my walk with Jesus and am fully content resting in His love and knowing He has a great plan and purpose for my life. And if it involves a husband for me, He will bring that wonderful man into my life when the time is right.

So with that being said, my loneliness story takes place about 5ish or 6 years ago. And there was alot of issue's going on with my family. With my youngest sister in particular. She was young, feeling lost, lonely, hurt and was trying to take her own life by slitting her wrists. [let me also say that I am the only one in my family that chooses a life of walking with Jesus] We went through many episodes of arguing, hugs, laughs, stress, hiding sharp objects from her, taking the locks off her door, etc. Mainly alot of emotional stress. And in times like that I tend to "escape" reality as much as possible... I actually enjoyed going to work, or being able to get out of the house as much as possible. And also slept alot... I was emotionally drained. But work was stressful too. We were short staffed, and I was a CSR at the time, taking over 100 calls a day. That's alot of people to talk to in one day. It was crazy being relied on my by family to "hold us together" emotionally. I finally hit my breaking point. Something had to give and I couldn't take it any longer.

One day, while leaving work, I barely made it out of the building to go home before I busted into tears. I went home, went to my room and just cried and prayed and cried. I was a mess. Eventually when I calmed myself down enough, I laid on my back staring at the ceiling and cried out one last desperate prayer. I said, "Jesus, I know that you will never leave me or forsake me. And I know that you are here with me right now. But I need to know that somebody on this earth loves me." After that I remember being so tired that I fluttered in and out of consciousness... I think about 5 minutes went by and then my cell phone rang. It ended up being a really great friend calling to see if I was ok. I of course burst into tears again because I could "feel" her love through the phone. I remember her asking me what was wrong and I said she wouldn't understand. She then encouraged me to share and then prayed with me, for me and then several times told me she loved me. I of course burst into tears again and said "Thank you Jesus" for having her call me.

So in light of this past Valentines Day, I think He wants me to remind you that He loves you. He cares about every little detail of your life and if you asked Him into your heart to save you and be your Savior, he is with you right now. Whatever you need, ask and it shall be given to you. One of my all time favorite verses, that I lean on every now and then is Hebrews 13:5 - the Amplified version: "For He [God] Himself has said, I will not in any way fail you nor give you up nor leave you without support. I will not, I will not, I will not in any degree leave you helpless nor forsake nor let [you] down (relax My hold on you)! [Assuredly not!] I added the bold and italicized... I especially like the "relax My hold on you". He has me in His arms at all times. He has youin His arms at all times.

He loves you!